QUESTION TYME: Daddy, why do you want to kill the friends in my hair?

A (guest) conversation between Hairy Father Tyme (HFT) & daughter Taliah, aged 5.75

[Following the discovery of nits and explanation of lengthy removal process]

– Daddy, why do you want to kill the friends in my hair?

– ?!?

– Why, Daddy, WHY?

– Um. Why do you think they’re your friends, Taliah?

– They come with me wherever I go. They like me.

– That doesn’t mean they’re your friends, though, does it?

– Why not?

– Well, just because they follow you, doesn’t mean they’re your friends – you’ve got to like them too.

– I do like them Daddy.

– Why?

– Because they don’t want me to wash my hair.

– Oh [REALISING THE RUSE] I see. They’re not real friends, though are they?

– Why not?

– Well, friends look after EACHOTHER.

– Like you and mummy?

– Yes, like me and…

– Well, mummy looks after you a bit more, doesn’t she Daddy?

– Maybe. Anyway…it says here that your nits are only with you because they…

[googles “Nits”, finds “they feed exclusively on human blood” which would freak anyone out, let along a 5 year old, finds better words]

– …because they like, er, like the taste of your head [not the BEST words]!


– Well little bits of it, yes. [TRYING TO CONTROL THE SITUATION] Very little bits.


– Calm down Taliah! PLEASE calm down…

– THEY’RE EATING MY HEAD [adinfinitum – or at least until bed]

– …

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